When You Fear the Unknown

Lord,
You are the only one who knows everything. You are sovereign and omnipotent. Your mighty hands are stretched out across the nations. Because you are in control, I do not have to fear. What a relief that is. You are my refuge and my strength in every circumstance. In times of uncertainty, your immutable, unchanging character gives me great comfort. Help me to remember that I can fight fear with steadfast trust and thanksgiving. God, I know that you are the light in my darkest times. If I walk in the light alongside you, my fears will be stripped away. If I am in constant fellowship with you, I will be overcome with joy and gratitude. Even when I lack faith, you are faithful. You are a God of peace and not confusion; comfort not anxiety. You promise to uphold me with your righteous right hand and strengthen me each day. Thank you for being with me no matter where I am or what I am facing. I must remember to take heart as I fear the unknown, for you have overcome the world.
AMEN.

Verse:
John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.

When Social Media is in the Way

Lord,
Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for your constant pursuit of my heart despite me putting social media and things of the world before you. Lord, I'm asking you to take hold of my heart and my hands. I want to set my eyes on you and things above. I want to instill the habit of reaching for my Bible and not my phone. Thank you for being so powerful and so patient. Thank you for protecting me from the harm that is online and redeeming me in your righteous ways. I pray that I would test all that I see online against your word and always place your word before the world. I want to hold fast to what is good. Your word, and your word alone, is what is profitable for teaching, reproof, and correction, and training for righteousness. I know that with you and your word inside of me, I can be made complete and equipped for every good work place before me. Your word is the basis for my belief and my behavior and I want those things to be a reflection of you. Lord, put to death what is earthly in me and light a fire in me to imitate you in all I say and do. The supply of your grace is never ending and your love never fails- I am so grateful.
AMEN.

Verse:
Colossians 3:1-4
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you will also appear with him in glory.

When There Is Too Much Noise

Lord,
I feel like there is so much noise swirling around me. I'm finding it hard to focus. Hard to hone in on your voice and your call. Thank you for constantly pursuing me and relentlessly fighting for my attention. I can be so distracted by everything around me. The influx of information and opinions is overwhelming. You are the only one I want to hear.  I want to focus my attention on you and your word.  I commit to testing all of the noise against your word.  You are the way, the truth, and the light. There is no way to the Father except through you. Help me to push aside all of the other sources that promise to bring me closer to you.  Lord, I want my communication with you to be ongoing. I want to be still and patiently wait for your reply. Calm my anxious thoughts and my need for an immediate response in situations. There are so many outlets prying for my attention and I lay them at your feet. You are a God of peace, not confusion. You are the only hope and reassurance that I need. Use me to point people back to you. Do not allow me to add to the noise, Lord. Instead, I commit myself to being a vessel of your word and your promises. You are the answer and the only thing that can satisfy the thirst in our souls for true abundance. Flow out of me, Lord. Thank you for all you can and will do through your disciples.
AMEN

Verse:
Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Won't He Do It

In February of 2017, we were in our final months of residency at WVU. (I say WE because I like to give myself credit for being "in" residency too! HA!)  Josh had already accepted a job in DuBois, PA and we were beginning to look for a house.

We had one weekend to do some house hunting and after our search, it came down to one house that was for rent and one house that was for sale. They were on the same street, only a few houses apart. Josh loved the house that was for sale but I had a million reasons why it was not THE house. We went back and forth and ultimately the rental won out for a slue of reasons.  So we moved, and after four months of living in the rental, the house down the street was still for sale. Josh brought up buying it again. I was like... AND MOVE ALL OUR CRAP AGAIN, HECK NO!! I also just had a ton of reservations. It was large and older and all I saw was a lot that would need cleaned, a lot that would need fixed, and too much wasted space.  Josh would try to sell me on it becoming our "forever house" and never needing to move again and yada yada... jokes on me I guess since here we are in another different house in another different town! (I'm not bitter from all the moving, I swear. hehe!)

When You Want to Shrink Back

Lord,
Sometimes I want to hide. The things you've called me to feel too big. There are days I want to shrink back. All that is required of me in motherhood, my job, homemaking, fill in the blank, is very overwhelming.  The weight is heavy.  Lord, I'm so thankful that it is never too much for you to carry. I release control of these burdens and I give them to you. You are my load barer. Why do I always forget that you want to me to place these burdens at your feet? Lord, you have created me for a purpose and you have intentionally placed me in specific roles in my life.  I can't fulfill these roles without you. I know I will continue to feel the need to shrink back unless I allow you to lead the way. Thank you for showing up and showing off even when I'm resisting and doubting it all. Thank you for leading the way for me when I don't feel qualified or motivated to move forward. Your plans for me exceed anything I could plan for myself.  I want my life to be a story of redemption and hope.  I will praise you and give you all the glory, for with you the yoke is easy and the burden is light.
AMEN.

Verse:
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Then and Now

Happy New Year! haha! I'm late to the game but I'm skipping January and pretending that February is the start of my new year. I can do that because I'm the boss of this blog and a new beginning can be whenever the heck I want it to be. If you need a do over, I'm giving you permission to have one too. We were plagued with illness for the first three weeks of the year and are finally seeing the light. I'm back and ready to dig in so here. we. go.

The year 2020. Like what?!?

Over the past few weeks I spent some time reflecting on the past 10 years. The difference between where I was then and where I am now is literally astounding.  The best and only way to describe it is, ONLY GOD. Without His never ending supply of grace, unconditional love, and relentless pursuit of my soul, I would not be where I am today. Sounds like an acceptance speech. But it's truth. The funny (and obvious) thing is that I have CLEARLY not arrived. But I've grown so much over the past 10 years and am lightyears away from that person I used to be.

Let's take a look at 2010 Dana. 21-22 years old. Just out of college. Grappling for attention. Wrong relationships. Out on Saturday. Youth Leader on Sunday. Lonely. Confused. Dependent. Anxiety ridden. Looking for worth and purpose anywhere and everywhere it could be found.

I vividly remember the intense feeling of brokenness that weighed me down. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It was like I was on a merry-go-round that I wanted to jump off of so badly but just couldn't get up the guts. I just kept going and going and repeating the same decisions over and over. Acting like a fool emotionally. Resisting any nudge from the Holy Spirit to give up control of my life.  I could guide anyone going through something similar but could not take my own advice. I could preach to someone until I was blue in the face about who they are in Christ and what He has for their life but I didn't believe it for myself. I wanted out of the sick cycle but was terrified to break free because I feared the unknown on the other side.

What if breaking free left me alone with myself.  The constant berating I would put myself through was enough to make anyone go crazy. I was on the brink of explosion.  I kept myself insanely busy so that I wouldn't have to truly sit with myself in the still moments. I would sob big, angry, sad tears in my car while the worship music played and then get out of the car and be who everyone needed me to be. But I was broken. So broken.

Flash forward to today. 32 years old. An amazing husband. Three precious kids. Progress. Purpose. And still so much grace. There have been SO many changes over those ten years. I had so many people cheering me on and reminding me I was a daughter of the most high King. Building me up and tearing down the walls that I had built.

In the spring of 2011 I met my man. ON THE INTERNET. Umm that's a thing now, but in 2011 that was the weirdest thing anyone had ever heard of.  Shout out to eHarmony. Get your girl on a commercial, stat! The beginning of our relationship was glorious, hard, and oh so formative. Maybe this whole story needs it's own post so I'll hold off on some details but life circumstances did not set us up for success. School and work and baggage made us have to WORK for our relationship and we made it! The obstacles have given us a deeper love and appreciation for one another.

So I got my man and I think, ok now God has answered my prayers and we are set.  PSYCH. We get married fast and immediately move away from everything I've ever known.  We spent 2012- 2017 in Morgantown, WV for Josh to go through residency. That residency life is NO joke. Those years were again, hard but formative.  2017- YAY residency is over let's take our two babies and move home to Pittsburgh! PSYCH. Let's move to the one place in the world I did not want to go, DuBois, PA and start over.  Even though I went kicking and screaming, God changed me there. He changed my heart. He showed me who I am in Him and gave me a renewed sense of purpose and freedom. He showed up and showed off.  GREAT!! Now we get to live here forever and live happily ever after! PSYCH. 2019- time to move again.  God has more work for us in Lancaster, PA. He will be faithful but it will be painful. I was crushed. Didn't God realize I had already mapped out my life?!

So here we are. I told our small group the other night that I've decided to give in to the fact that we live here. It only took six months, so I'll call that a win.  I've decided to be present mentally and to show up and dig in.  I've decided to acknowledge the bitterness I have towards God for uprooting us and for making things "hard on me" again.

God is moving. He's working. I know it. I don't see it clearly. Mostly because the bitterness takes away my ability to see it. But He's in the midst. He's helping me navigate friendships and rhythms, writing and serving.  He's pursuing me and waiting for me to chase after Him. Waiting for me to realize that all of the disappointments that I've experienced in my life are really just exposing the expectations of my heart that weren't promised to me.  He is continuing to remind me that sanctification is on going and there will be no arrival.  He's causing me to truly look outward at my circumstances but also further inward for true spiritual transformation instead of selfish ambition.

Someone very special to me has been telling me since I was 13 years old to stop trying to plan my own life. Stop trying to take control. It seems that's the lesson that God has continually tried to teach me over and over. "Let me be in the driver's seat, Dana." is the line I'm sure He is repeating over and over.  I'm fervently praying that the next ten years and beyond look more like be being along for the ride and less like a scenario from my mom trying to teach me how to drive which was her in the passenger's seat actually grabbing the wheel from me to control how we get to our destination. haha! God wants us to give up this burden of control and take up the burden of surrender. We must give up our selfish plans and dreams for the future, stop focusing on what we can "make happen" for ourselves, and seek the better plans that God has for us. And God's plan is not just better. He himself is better.

God has rescued me time and time again. His timing is perfect.  He promises this for you too. Whatever has happened in the past is covered by His grace and His sacrifice for us on the cross.  Whatever is to come is already prepared and brought to fruition through Him. Let's trust Him and lean in. What He has in store for us is better than anything we could ask for, hope for, or imagine.  My life is proof that those statements are true and He is faithful. Look back at your last ten years... and your last twenty.  Where have you seen Him do it? And where are you trusting He'll do it again?  You know the song haha! In case you don't know the song, (click here.)

The point is, there will never be new growth in old places or old ways. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and into Christ's call of being cross bearers.  Set out on the journey of true sanctification and rely on the one who's strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we look back in 2030 let's be able to say we went ALL IN.

When You Don't Feel Ready

Lord,
I don't feel ready for this new year. I don't feel prepared. I haven't done all the leg work that seems required of me to succeed. Lord, please remind me that the idea of who I am and what I'm going to be, is not up to me. It is up to you. I praise your name for that. Thank you for being more than enough for me.  Thank you that I don't need to have all of the plans made and the goals written down. Thank you for seeing my heart and knowing who I am at the depth of my inner most being. I'm so grateful that I know whose I am so that I don't have to stress over who I want to try to be.  You cover me with a blanket of grace and your unconditional love for me knows no bounds. Your power is made perfect in my weakness. When I seek you with my whole heart I know that I will find you and you will carry me through the peaks and the valleys that this new year will bring.  You say there will be trials but I will take heart because you have overcome.  Lord, I trust you. I trust that being "ready" for this new year simply means to have you at the center of my life.  You are the keeper and defender of my soul.  My safe place and refuge.  With you Lord, I am ready for anything.
AMEN

Verse:
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Seek Peace and Pursue It

Friends! Happy December!

Can you even believe it's December?!? I cannot. Like the tree is up, the Christmas parties are planned, and all the things but still for some reason it's not feeling a lot like the Christmas season for me.  Not sure if it's just because our year has been so crazy and I'm in denial that so many months have passed in the blink of an eye or what, but I'm trying to get there!

One of the ways I'm trying to soak in this Christmas season is to really be intentional about my advent studying and Bible reading for myself and for the kids.  They are loving our cards from She Reads Truth that we are going through this year.  I am reading an advent book I love and have done for the past few years, Oh Come Let Us Adore Him by Paul David Trip.  

The Lord has really been working on my heart the last few weeks about where my focus is and where my peace comes from.  The phrase, "seek peace and pursue it" from 1 Peter 3:11 has been running through my mind over and over.  I hadn't even come across it in my Bible reading lately, the Holy Spirit just planted it.  There hasn't been much peace for us this year. It's truly been chaos. Organized chaos, thank you very much, but chaos none the less. Starting this website took months. It was such bad timing in my mind, but the nudge from the Lord to write became so heavy that it was time to be obedient. If anyone knows me, I do not like to do things half way.  I like to go all in and make it happen.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to do my best work no matter what it is in life. This leads to a lot of unnecessary stress. Josh tells me all the time, "You did this to yourself." Yeah yeah, I know.  But writing, opening up my home to people, making Christmas memories for my family that require me to make pancakes look like reindeer (ugh!!! haha!) are all extremely fulfilling to me as well.  

But back to writing, when I started this, it was just to write. But in our world today, when you blog or do any sort of writing online, you also "have" to be present on social media.  Instagram is the new way of blogging essentially.  I just have too many words for that haha! But truly it's all about getting people to read there and interact and be on Facebook (or maybe not Facebook anymore!?!?) See I don't even know what the platforms are these days. Truly. What the heck is Tic Toc? Do I blog there? Dance there?? I'm too old for this. Anyways the social media part of writing TOTALLY stresses me out.  I love sharing on stories about life and the day to day but the parts where I have to find a perfect picture to post and a blurb that makes you want to read what I've written on the website is totally overwhelming to me.  I want to just post my words into the world on here and be done with it.  I don't know the right way to go about it.  I was expressing this to a friend and she said some very simple but wise to me. "God didn't call you to social media, He called you to write." AMEN. PTL for that haha! It was just such a great reminder. I was feeling crushed by this made up schedule I wrote out of when I had to post and on what day... because that's what bloggers do! Right? Well you know what, just as Josh says, nobody cares but me!

So longggg story short, I'm taking the month of December off from writing... unless I want to haha... just no commitment either way. No typed up schedule of when I have to write this or say that.  I have lots of posts on deck that I wrote prior to even launching all of this but I'm just putting them on hold for now.  There's a stirring in my heart that's saying pause, pray and seek peace.  In the new year I'm hopeful I'll be back with a renewed sense of peace and purpose for this space.  

I know, I literally only started a few months ago, but that's just enough time to get all jumbled up and off track.  I'm going to finish this year seeking peace and truly pursing it during this advent season.  Time to be intentional, time away from social media, time to focus on Him and not me. If you need permission this Christmas season to seek peace, unplug, and drink a dang cup of hot tea in the afternoon, this is it! Do it. Your soul will thank you. The peace you're searching for is not on social media or here on this blog.  It's in God's word. Approach His word expectantly and you will receive the greatest gift. Him.

Thanks for riding this crazy train with me, friends! Merry Christmas!

When You Are Hosting

Lord,
Thank you for the opportunity to host people in my home. Thank you for providing me with a home that is safe place and shelter for others.  Lord give me your eyes to see those around me that may need a place to rest or a meal to eat.  Help me to see the hurting and love them the way you do.  Lord, I want to serve my family, friends, and those around me in a way that brings glory to you.  I want to make a difference and be a reflection of you and the mighty work you have done in my life. Help me to not overthink hospitality and instead use my gifts and the blessings you have poured into my life to make a impact on the lives of others.  Lord, thank you for the divine appointments you have created for me.  I'm so grateful for a full home and the ability to foster community for those around me.  Lord, help me to inspire others to invite people in and create an environment that is peaceful and full of joy. Serving others is serving you. Thank you that my home is seasoned with your grace. Make yourself known in this place.
AMEN.

Verse:
1 Peter 4:8-9
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

A Bouquet of Friends

I'm on a making friends kick around here so I thought I would share some more thoughts on the topic. If you've read the posts under the tab "The Table" on the main menu of website you know about the community of women that God prompted me to start while living in DuBois.  At one of our meetings we had a panel of women come in to address relationships. We discussed friendship, marriage, family dynamics, parenting and so on.  One of the women that I asked to be on this panel was someone I met through my MOPS group. She was a Mentor Mom, which simply means she was a seasoned mom with grown kids, who could offer advice and support to those of us who are in the trenches with young kids and young marriages.  Her name is Toni and she is wise, funny, and deeply rooted in Christ.

At this panel someone asked a question about having friendships as a grown woman.  I can't remember the exact phrasing of the question, but Toni's answer was simple yet so profound.  It has been in the back of my mind ever since.

When You are Grateful

Lord,
You are so good to me. Thank you for the blessings you have poured over me. Thank you for your mercy and your grace. Thank you for never leaving my side or forsaking me.  You are a God of redemption and forgiveness, restoration and faithfulness. Thank you for knowing the depths of my heart and caring for me in spite of myself.   Lord, I pray that my eyes stay fixed on you.  I want to thank you and boast in you, even when I'm feeling weak. Thank you for the people you have placed my life that point me to you.  I ask that you you would give me renewed sense of peace and that my joy would radiate to others. Thank you for giving each of us purpose. I'm so grateful that you go before me and prepare a way for me. I want to give you the glory and the honor you deserve in all I say in do.  Thank you for the sacrifices you made so that I can have freedom in you.  I love you, Lord.  All good things come from above, from you. I am so grateful.
AMEN

Verse:
Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

Making Big Girl Friends

What does it look like to make new friends as a grown woman?  I get asked a lot how I've managed to start over in the friendship category time and time again.  In my life I've "started over" roughly seven or eight times, depending on if our definitions of "starting over" are the same. I consider it a time when you are moved or put into a situation that is new. New surroundings, new people, new home, new church, new whatever, that is going to last for an extended period of time.  I also recognize that there are many people that have done this far more times than I have.  I'm no expert, but I have managed to learn and grow A TON since my first experiences years ago.

When You Don't Know What to Pray

Lord, 

I’m here, Lord, but I don’t have the words.  Thank you for showing up and pursuing me even when I am stagnant and communication feels hard.  You are such a good Father to me.  I’m so grateful that you know the depths of my heart and the weight that I carry without me saying the right words or any words at all.  I know that my relationship with you is the most important relationship in my life. Me being in constant communication with you matters.  Lord, bring me close to you. Pull me in. Restore me and make your presence known.  Fill me with your love so I can love others.  I take my burdens and anxiety and cast them on you.  I can do all things because you strengthen me and care for me.  You are a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.  You are all knowing and all powerful.  I praise your name. You never waiver and in every season of ups and downs, you remain faithful and true.  Thank you for your unconditional love.

AMEN

Verse:
Lamentations 3:22-23
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

When You Have A Dream

Lord,

Thank you for setting a mission in front of me that is uniquely designed for my gifts and passions.  Thank you for the fire that burns inside of me for a specific purpose.  Lord, you are the one who planted the seeds of my dream inside of me. Water them, Lord.  Help me to live a life that is full of faith and void of fear so I can run the race you have set before me. I ask that you bring clarity to me about my dream(s).  I want to be sure my desires are from you and not of my flesh- not of my need for attention or to define my worth.  Lord, you are a God of peace and not confusion.  Illuminate the dream in my heart that is of YOU. Allow me to use my gift and talents to point others back to you. You must increase and I must decrease. Thank you for going before me and equipping me with all I need to know you and serve you. Thank you that despite my weaknesses, you can still accomplish your goal. You have perfect timing and your hand is on all things.  Thank you for keeping your promises and knowing what is best for me in each season. I give you all the glory.

AMEN

Verse:

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. 

Ephesians 3:14-21

Where I'm Reading:

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

What It's Saying: 

This is a prayer from Paul that concludes one of his letters.  There are a few areas he's focusing on here: spiritual strength, Christ in our hearts, having the ability to comprehend all He can do, and understanding the love of Christ. He is talking about the stance of his prayer and how gaining a deeper knowledge of Christ can increase spiritual maturity. He wants Christ to dwell and be "at home" inside of him. Paul is amazed by the power and fullness of God and the capacity of His love for us. He ends by praising Him for all He can and will do for us now and for generations to come.

How I'm Applying: 

There are times when I struggle to stay focused during prayer.  It's almost embarrassing how distracted I get while talking to God. Something that I have implemented in the past and have started again with recently is kneeling while I pray.  This doesn't have to happen every time. I try to pray as I go throughout my day. But if you are really trying to set aside some intentional time with the Lord (which we should be!), changing your posture to kneeling or another stance may help to increase your focus. I'll add, kneeling is not necessary for God to hear your prayers but it may change your frame of mind as you approach Him.  

I also feel like this section of scripture is a great framework for how/what to pray for other people. If there are days when I don't have the words or don't necessarily know all the details of what's going on in their lives, I will pray this prayer over them. This week I wrote this prayer out and made it specific for each of my kids and husband. Who could you pray this prayer over?

I am going to work on viewing my relationship with Christ and my prayer life as a means to deepen my devotion to Him and create more dependence on Him. This is like DUH, but hard for me!  I want to relinquish control over my life and the lives of those around me. I would encourage you to do the same.  If all of our time praying is spent making requests of God, that is not fostering relationship. The same way you wouldn't have a relationship with your husband or best friend if all you did what ask them to do things for you.  I want to hear from the Lord and create a habit of listening to Him, not just talking.

Lastly, we know that God can do more for us than we can do for ourselves and more than anyone else can do for us.  But I want to work on believing that He WILL. I think I tend to believe He can, but I just expect that He won't or that He needs me to step in to help Him actually finish the job.  I take control and try to figure out all the things I need to do to make IT happen. Whatever IT is.  Don't forget to pray for yourself- that you would seek Him, understand Him, and gain more knowledge about what He is capable of. i.e. EVERYTHING.  There's so much freedom in acknowledging the work He is doing in us and for us.

Vulnerability Hangover

Have you ever been hungover? But not the kind of hungover you're thinking of. The kind where you open up your heart, say to many words, go to the deep places, and then wake up to feel regret and anxiety.

I have. More than once. And it's called a "vulnerability hangover."

I don't think I coined this phrase. I don't remember where I heard it or from who, but I'm pretty sure when I first heard it years ago, I was confused.  I don't think I had fully experienced the trauma of going all in and then being like "Why the heck did I just bare my soul and go to my dark places with other people listening?!?!"

But once I did, it all made sense.

When you move a lot, you have to start over a lot.  You have to make new friends quickly and efficiently.  I don't prefer to stay in the shallow end of friendships so I learned the hard way in a few seasons of life that if you want "all in" friends, you have to be an "all in" friend. (i.e. "I'll go first.") Once I grasped this concept, I knew I wanted to go to the hard places, fast, with people I identified as safe, possible friendships.

This looks like being together with some ladies that I feel safe with, who can speak life and Christ over my past or current circumstances.  The starting point is sharing your heart, the good and the bad. The situations and events you've endured that are a part of you and have made you who you are.  The dark places of hurt or glorious pictures of redemption that have manifested themselves into your day to day life.  All of the messy, beautiful parts that make up who you are and why you do what you do.

Then in all it's glory, the vulnerability hangover follows. Sometimes it hits when you get in your car right after or maybe when you wake up the next morning. But you just start asking yourself ALL the questions.  Why did I say this?  Is she judging me for doing that? Will it be weird now because I shared those things?  Did I scare her away? Maybe I need to text and explain myself further!!!

Then these thoughts, THAT ARE NOT FROM CHRIST, will enter.  I'm a horrible friend.  They won't want to be my friends because I'm ______.  I'm a fraud. I'm not good enough.  I'm too messed up for A.B.C. That is Satan creating a battlefield in your mind.  He uses our desire to be known and understood to send us spiraling out of control.

In these moments of experiencing the vulnerability hangover, we need to pull from scripture to quickly combat the lies Satan tells us.  I am good enough.  I have endured pain and trials for the good of Christ while He continues to work all things together. I should boast in my weaknesses to proclaim the power of Christ.  Everyone experiences the hills and valleys and no one is expected to keep in all inside. I must continue to take every thought captive and declare that I have victory over my dark places because of my Living Hope that is Christ.

This is not always natural.  Our flesh highlights the pain which prolongs the healing.  There is healing in saying the messy stuff out loud in a safe place where it doesn't have to all make sense. It doesn't need to be in chronological order or tied together with a bow on top.  It just needs to be outside of you- out of the dark and into the light. That's where the freedom begins.

Honestly, I have always been a pretty open book but the part I didn't realize until recently, was that I didn't need to feel bad about it. I realized that I was actually healing along the way.  I was dealing with my own stuff, and while letting people in, I was helping to jumpstart their healing too. The intensity of the vulnerability hangover increases when the other parties you are talking to do not reciprocate in going to the hard places. Basically when you word vomit and everyone just stares at you. So you continue to say more words. I have no experience with this. *palm over face* With that said, go to the hard places with someone! Do not just stare at the person spilling their guts! If you feel like you don't have the right encouraging words and scripture isn't coming to mind, that is OK! Pray over them, pray for the circumstance that's consuming them, pray for peace and God's presence to be made known.

Prayer will reinforce that the Lord's mercies are new every morning. On the car ride home you'll spend less time dreading tomorrow and more time relishing in the hope of Christ and His faithfulness. Coming alongside someone in their healing is truly one of the best things you can do for your own restoration.

It all comes down to this, vulnerability creates community. Who can you be vulnerable with? Is there someone you know that needs a safe space to share?  I encourage you to pray and act.

When You Feel Isolated

Lord,
I feel alone.  Thank you for being with me in this moment.  Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me.  Thank you that when I call out your name, you hear me.  Lord, thank you for being all I need.  Thank you for filling every gap and making me whole.  Lord, you know that Satan is trying to use my season of loneliness against me.  He is trying to make me feel like I have no one on my side or by my side.  I rebuke this, Lord and recognize that it is a lie.  I will not believe it.  I believe that I am created for community.  I believe I am worthy of that community.  I give my relationships over to you, Lord, and ask you to make them whole and healthy.  I ask that as I pursue you, that you fill the emptiness with your love and your promises.  You keep your promises. You are faithful.  There will be goodness and abundance on the other side of suffering.  Every season has purpose, Lord, and I ask that you prepare me for the harvest.  Wrap your arms around me and allow me to see tangibly that you are present in my loneliness.  You are by my side.  Thank you, Lord.
AMEN

Verse:
Isaiah 58:11 The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

What He Says

Honestly, since I posted a few weeks ago that I would be sharing my journey through scripture with you guys, I've felt like a deer in headlights staring at my Bible.

Satan is at work.

For the past year I have been in such a good flow of reading the Word and retaining scripture. I've been both learning and hearing from Christ.  Then, as soon as I posted that I want to share it with the world, it's been daunting, confusing, and has felt just plain awkward.

Standing in the Tension

Have you ever found yourself standing in the middle of a situation or a decision making process where you know the right thing to do but you wish you didn't?

Have you ever felt that massive tension between have a peace that passes all understanding from Christ but at the same time wishing it away because it's leading you to something or somewhere that you don't want to do or go?

No?

Ok, well I have. More than once in my life.

Over the years, with all that I've experienced, I have become very in tune with this peace I am describing.  The communication and union I experience with Christ when I'm in that tension, begging Him to reveal His plan to me, has become such a beautiful part of my story.

On a Mission

Would you refer to your family as a "family on mission?"  Are you thinking, "What does that even mean?!" This is something that I feel very passionate about but is still very much a work in progress for our family.

It is very clear in scripture that we are to be preaching the gospel to all creation (Mark 16:15) and that we are to declare His glory and marvelous deeds to all people (Psalm 96:3). The commissioning that He has laid out for us to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19) can feel very daunting!

Like how do I do that with three little kids, a husband, a house, small group, playdates, sports and on and on and on!?