I'll Go First

I wanted to explain the concept behind the phrase, “I’ll go first.”  Recently I have been praying a lot about what God has for me in this season of life.  I find myself in another new town, no deep relationships or family close by, no church yet, and in the trenches of motherhood. With that said, I am a dreamer.  It’s in my blood.  I can’t help it.  I thrive on being in tune with what God is calling me to and acting on it without much hesitation. But, when I feel it’s not clear what that is, I panic.  What I’m finding in this, is that He is calling me to trust Him more. LIKE WAY MORE. He’s pulling me back in.  BUT when he gives me an inch, I take a mile.  Like, “It’s all good God! I know what you want from me, thanks! I got it now.”  

God wants me to trust Him entirely but when I have NO CLUE what’s next, I freeze. I ache with fear. I boil up with overwhelm. I want answers. I want control.  

So just recently, I was literally crying out to God asking him why He keeps placing me in these seasons of isolation. Finding myself in places where I have to start from scratch, over and over. 

He started reminding me of all the changes I’ve made it through… moving high schools for my senior year, going to two different colleges, moving away with a husband in residency, multiple job changes, many ministry endeavors, moving to a town I didn’t want to move to… and much more.  How I’ve come out on the other side stronger, more passionate, more focused on Him.  

I was reviewing the positives that came from these situations and most of the successes were a result of me “going first.”  Going first in initiating friendships. Going first to talk about the hard stuff.  Going first in sharing my testimony. Going first in starting the ministry where I see a need. Going first and stepping out.  

So this time is no different. I’m paralyzed with fear but full of faith.  I’ve seen Him move mountains for me.  I know He can do it again. But it requires work from me too. Not fear.  Not hiding. The dreams and the vision for my life that He’s placed inside of me does not come to pass without me making a move.  Ultimately HE has gone first.  And I praise His name for that! But I’m committed to be on mission to build relationships and ministry that is bigger than myself.  

Making disciples requires me to say, “I’ll go first.”