When Social Media is in the Way

Lord,
Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for your constant pursuit of my heart despite me putting social media and things of the world before you. Lord, I'm asking you to take hold of my heart and my hands. I want to set my eyes on you and things above. I want to instill the habit of reaching for my Bible and not my phone. Thank you for being so powerful and so patient. Thank you for protecting me from the harm that is online and redeeming me in your righteous ways. I pray that I would test all that I see online against your word and always place your word before the world. I want to hold fast to what is good. Your word, and your word alone, is what is profitable for teaching, reproof, and correction, and training for righteousness. I know that with you and your word inside of me, I can be made complete and equipped for every good work place before me. Your word is the basis for my belief and my behavior and I want those things to be a reflection of you. Lord, put to death what is earthly in me and light a fire in me to imitate you in all I say and do. The supply of your grace is never ending and your love never fails- I am so grateful.
AMEN.

Verse:
Colossians 3:1-4
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you will also appear with him in glory.

0

When There Is Too Much Noise

Lord,
I feel like there is so much noise swirling around me. I'm finding it hard to focus. Hard to hone in on your voice and your call. Thank you for constantly pursuing me and relentlessly fighting for my attention. I can be so distracted by everything around me. The influx of information and opinions is overwhelming. You are the only one I want to hear.  I want to focus my attention on you and your word.  I commit to testing all of the noise against your word.  You are the way, the truth, and the light. There is no way to the Father except through you. Help me to push aside all of the other sources that promise to bring me closer to you.  Lord, I want my communication with you to be ongoing. I want to be still and patiently wait for your reply. Calm my anxious thoughts and my need for an immediate response in situations. There are so many outlets prying for my attention and I lay them at your feet. You are a God of peace, not confusion. You are the only hope and reassurance that I need. Use me to point people back to you. Do not allow me to add to the noise, Lord. Instead, I commit myself to being a vessel of your word and your promises. You are the answer and the only thing that can satisfy the thirst in our souls for true abundance. Flow out of me, Lord. Thank you for all you can and will do through your disciples.
AMEN

Verse:
Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

0

Won't He Do It

In February of 2017, we were in our final months of residency at WVU. (I say WE because I like to give myself credit for being "in" residency too! HA!)  Josh had already accepted a job in DuBois, PA and we were beginning to look for a house.

We had one weekend to do some house hunting and after our search, it came down to one house that was for rent and one house that was for sale. They were on the same street, only a few houses apart. Josh loved the house that was for sale but I had a million reasons why it was not THE house. We went back and forth and ultimately the rental won out for a slue of reasons.  So we moved, and after four months of living in the rental, the house down the street was still for sale. Josh brought up buying it again. I was like... AND MOVE ALL OUR CRAP AGAIN, HECK NO!! I also just had a ton of reservations. It was large and older and all I saw was a lot that would need cleaned, a lot that would need fixed, and too much wasted space.  Josh would try to sell me on it becoming our "forever house" and never needing to move again and yada yada... jokes on me I guess since here we are in another different house in another different town! (I'm not bitter from all the moving, I swear. hehe!)

0

When You Want to Shrink Back

Lord,
Sometimes I want to hide. The things you've called me to feel too big. There are days I want to shrink back. All that is required of me in motherhood, my job, homemaking, fill in the blank, is very overwhelming.  The weight is heavy.  Lord, I'm so thankful that it is never too much for you to carry. I release control of these burdens and I give them to you. You are my load barer. Why do I always forget that you want to me to place these burdens at your feet? Lord, you have created me for a purpose and you have intentionally placed me in specific roles in my life.  I can't fulfill these roles without you. I know I will continue to feel the need to shrink back unless I allow you to lead the way. Thank you for showing up and showing off even when I'm resisting and doubting it all. Thank you for leading the way for me when I don't feel qualified or motivated to move forward. Your plans for me exceed anything I could plan for myself.  I want my life to be a story of redemption and hope.  I will praise you and give you all the glory, for with you the yoke is easy and the burden is light.
AMEN.

Verse:
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

0

Then and Now

Happy New Year! haha! I'm late to the game but I'm skipping January and pretending that February is the start of my new year. I can do that because I'm the boss of this blog and a new beginning can be whenever the heck I want it to be. If you need a do over, I'm giving you permission to have one too. We were plagued with illness for the first three weeks of the year and are finally seeing the light. I'm back and ready to dig in so here. we. go.

The year 2020. Like what?!?

Over the past few weeks I spent some time reflecting on the past 10 years. The difference between where I was then and where I am now is literally astounding.  The best and only way to describe it is, ONLY GOD. Without His never ending supply of grace, unconditional love, and relentless pursuit of my soul, I would not be where I am today. Sounds like an acceptance speech. But it's truth. The funny (and obvious) thing is that I have CLEARLY not arrived. But I've grown so much over the past 10 years and am lightyears away from that person I used to be.

Let's take a look at 2010 Dana. 21-22 years old. Just out of college. Grappling for attention. Wrong relationships. Out on Saturday. Youth Leader on Sunday. Lonely. Confused. Dependent. Anxiety ridden. Looking for worth and purpose anywhere and everywhere it could be found.

I vividly remember the intense feeling of brokenness that weighed me down. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It was like I was on a merry-go-round that I wanted to jump off of so badly but just couldn't get up the guts. I just kept going and going and repeating the same decisions over and over. Acting like a fool emotionally. Resisting any nudge from the Holy Spirit to give up control of my life.  I could guide anyone going through something similar but could not take my own advice. I could preach to someone until I was blue in the face about who they are in Christ and what He has for their life but I didn't believe it for myself. I wanted out of the sick cycle but was terrified to break free because I feared the unknown on the other side.

What if breaking free left me alone with myself.  The constant berating I would put myself through was enough to make anyone go crazy. I was on the brink of explosion.  I kept myself insanely busy so that I wouldn't have to truly sit with myself in the still moments. I would sob big, angry, sad tears in my car while the worship music played and then get out of the car and be who everyone needed me to be. But I was broken. So broken.

Flash forward to today. 32 years old. An amazing husband. Three precious kids. Progress. Purpose. And still so much grace. There have been SO many changes over those ten years. I had so many people cheering me on and reminding me I was a daughter of the most high King. Building me up and tearing down the walls that I had built.

In the spring of 2011 I met my man. ON THE INTERNET. Umm that's a thing now, but in 2011 that was the weirdest thing anyone had ever heard of.  Shout out to eHarmony. Get your girl on a commercial, stat! The beginning of our relationship was glorious, hard, and oh so formative. Maybe this whole story needs it's own post so I'll hold off on some details but life circumstances did not set us up for success. School and work and baggage made us have to WORK for our relationship and we made it! The obstacles have given us a deeper love and appreciation for one another.

So I got my man and I think, ok now God has answered my prayers and we are set.  PSYCH. We get married fast and immediately move away from everything I've ever known.  We spent 2012- 2017 in Morgantown, WV for Josh to go through residency. That residency life is NO joke. Those years were again, hard but formative.  2017- YAY residency is over let's take our two babies and move home to Pittsburgh! PSYCH. Let's move to the one place in the world I did not want to go, DuBois, PA and start over.  Even though I went kicking and screaming, God changed me there. He changed my heart. He showed me who I am in Him and gave me a renewed sense of purpose and freedom. He showed up and showed off.  GREAT!! Now we get to live here forever and live happily ever after! PSYCH. 2019- time to move again.  God has more work for us in Lancaster, PA. He will be faithful but it will be painful. I was crushed. Didn't God realize I had already mapped out my life?!

So here we are. I told our small group the other night that I've decided to give in to the fact that we live here. It only took six months, so I'll call that a win.  I've decided to be present mentally and to show up and dig in.  I've decided to acknowledge the bitterness I have towards God for uprooting us and for making things "hard on me" again.

God is moving. He's working. I know it. I don't see it clearly. Mostly because the bitterness takes away my ability to see it. But He's in the midst. He's helping me navigate friendships and rhythms, writing and serving.  He's pursuing me and waiting for me to chase after Him. Waiting for me to realize that all of the disappointments that I've experienced in my life are really just exposing the expectations of my heart that weren't promised to me.  He is continuing to remind me that sanctification is on going and there will be no arrival.  He's causing me to truly look outward at my circumstances but also further inward for true spiritual transformation instead of selfish ambition.

Someone very special to me has been telling me since I was 13 years old to stop trying to plan my own life. Stop trying to take control. It seems that's the lesson that God has continually tried to teach me over and over. "Let me be in the driver's seat, Dana." is the line I'm sure He is repeating over and over.  I'm fervently praying that the next ten years and beyond look more like be being along for the ride and less like a scenario from my mom trying to teach me how to drive which was her in the passenger's seat actually grabbing the wheel from me to control how we get to our destination. haha! God wants us to give up this burden of control and take up the burden of surrender. We must give up our selfish plans and dreams for the future, stop focusing on what we can "make happen" for ourselves, and seek the better plans that God has for us. And God's plan is not just better. He himself is better.

God has rescued me time and time again. His timing is perfect.  He promises this for you too. Whatever has happened in the past is covered by His grace and His sacrifice for us on the cross.  Whatever is to come is already prepared and brought to fruition through Him. Let's trust Him and lean in. What He has in store for us is better than anything we could ask for, hope for, or imagine.  My life is proof that those statements are true and He is faithful. Look back at your last ten years... and your last twenty.  Where have you seen Him do it? And where are you trusting He'll do it again?  You know the song haha! In case you don't know the song, (click here.)

The point is, there will never be new growth in old places or old ways. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and into Christ's call of being cross bearers.  Set out on the journey of true sanctification and rely on the one who's strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we look back in 2030 let's be able to say we went ALL IN.

0

When You Don't Feel Ready

Lord,
I don't feel ready for this new year. I don't feel prepared. I haven't done all the leg work that seems required of me to succeed. Lord, please remind me that the idea of who I am and what I'm going to be, is not up to me. It is up to you. I praise your name for that. Thank you for being more than enough for me.  Thank you that I don't need to have all of the plans made and the goals written down. Thank you for seeing my heart and knowing who I am at the depth of my inner most being. I'm so grateful that I know whose I am so that I don't have to stress over who I want to try to be.  You cover me with a blanket of grace and your unconditional love for me knows no bounds. Your power is made perfect in my weakness. When I seek you with my whole heart I know that I will find you and you will carry me through the peaks and the valleys that this new year will bring.  You say there will be trials but I will take heart because you have overcome.  Lord, I trust you. I trust that being "ready" for this new year simply means to have you at the center of my life.  You are the keeper and defender of my soul.  My safe place and refuge.  With you Lord, I am ready for anything.
AMEN

Verse:
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

1